That's The Way We Became the Brady-Bundchens

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen were married yesterday in Santa Monica, California. In attendance were his Tom's son, John Edward Thomas Moynahan, and John's mother Bridget, who was seven months pregnant when Tom and Gisele started dating publicly.

I wonder which drunk cousin was the first to shout, "Hey! Bridget! Why don't you give the toast?"

No pictures have been released and it is not known if Gisele will hyphenate.

Nadya Suleman May Get a Free Ride

Nadya Suleman has gotten an offer from porn distributor Vivid Entertainment to become a "contract girl", which means the Octumom would appear in a series of their pornographic films. TMZ has the documents here. They have offered a million dollars and insurance for her whole litter.

A porno starring a mentally unbalanced woman with loneliness issues? How obscure! Although I don't see what's so sexy about Ron Jeremy climbing into her womb and reading a magazine.

You're Not Ready for This Jelly

Boobylicious Beyonce bounces out of her top during a particularly jiggly number with Huge Ackman at the Oscars on Sunday.

Stardroppings.com does not take the high road. The economy is slow and countless people will be googling "Beyonce nipple slip" for an inexpensive thrill tonight and we want a piece of that web-traffic-driving action. Enjoy!

The Hills Trailer

In an effort to make The Hills look more legitimate, producers have added dramatic music and a psychic. I have an idea, how about changing the theme song? The irony of Unwritten playing before each show is just too delicious.

Winners Leak (Who Doesn't?)

TMZ has a list of Oscar winners that was allegedly sent to members of the Academy. The Academy denies that any such memo is released, but if you want to follow-up and see if they're a bunch of liars, here it is:



And if you don't have super-vision, it's also here.

Babysitter Wanted

The Oscars, as you are well aware, are this Sunday night, but the biggest celebrity of them all will not be able to attend. Nadya Suleman can't seem to find a suitable sitter for her fourteen children. The ad posted on craigslist.com reads:

Babysitter needed Sunday, February 22 for appromimately five hours of donated time. Must be as responsible and socially aware as Octumom.

I guess Travis the Chimp, Casey Anthony and Michael Jackson were busy.

Pam Anderson Jumps the Shark (again)

Jeopardy Clue: Always Leave Them Wanting More and Going Out On Top.

Question: What are two expressions Pam Anderson has never heard?

Marketing whiz / fashion designer Richie Rich found a better way to get people talking about his Fashion Week show than "having talent". He oiled up Pam Anderson and stuffed her into a bathing suit so small, you could see her hepatitus C.

Is anyone else hungry?

Angela Kinsey and Her Husband Split, Then Buy Your Soul

People Magazine reports Angela Kinsey from NBC's The Office and her husband of eight years, Warren Lieberstein, are separating. The couple had a daughter last May, his brother co-stars as Toby on the sitcom, and WHOA!!!! What's up with that picture??

Did Photoshop come up with a "satanify" feature? I hate to divert from the sadness of an impending divorce but DAMN... literally.

This is What Happens When You Quit School to be a Blogger

Bloggers were all a-twitter today when they thought they saw real lady parts today. Though the love canal in question is clearly the crotch-circle that is on all tights and nylons, they failed to point out the obvious: this is Paris Hilton. A clear view of her nether region is rumored to burn the human retina with it's far-reaching hepatitus gamma rays. Come on people, it's science.

Nadya Suleman Clarifies Everything, Boy is America's Face Red

"I can't remember the last time I went on a date," Suleman told The Sun newspaper of London, after she was asked when was the last time she had sex. "Boyfriends? I think I'd have to be extremely selfish. I cannot maintain a social life and be a mother."

There you were, judging this poor boyfriendless woman. Boyfriendless! The selfish ones are big companies refusing to donate a lifetime supply of diapers, formula and nannies, the colleges who have yet to dole out free education, and those greedy churchgoers who prefer their donations go to moms who aren't popping out entire civilizations.

But the real losers in this who scenario are the bachelors of America who were on the market for a sex-hating, unemployed, botched-plastic-surgery-wearing, single mom of fourteen whose hobbies include writing obsessive fan mail to Angelina Jolie and gratifying herself (Octumom hint: try using an empty turkey baster). Poor Nadya, it's like listening to your super fat friend telling you she chooses not to date because she wants to pursue her career.

Once she gets out of this post-partum funk, I'm going to meet Nadya Suleman for coffee and pitch the solution to all her problems: I Want to Marry the Octumom. Excuse me, I have to call VH1.

Kudos, Man with the Airbrush

Aubrey O'Day graces the cover of this month's Playboy and the magazine actually doesn't look like it smells. They truly managed to airbrush the skank right off her. Next month: Amy Winehouse.

Wanna Buy an Octuplet? Buy One , Get One Liquidation Sale is on NOW!

All over the gossip sites and news, this topic couldn't even be avoided by StarDroppings.com, so let's chat.

Nadya Suleman, the single mother who admitted she could not afford to care for her first six children and shares a three-bedroom home with them and her parents, had eight more kids recently after IVF.

The Today Show broke down the costs of raising fourteen children to the age of 18 (provided there are no health issues or special needs) like this:

Groceries: $400,000

Housing: $500,000

Transportation: $245,000

Clothes: $90,000

Health: $125,000

Daycare: $150,000

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? You are if you read the headline!

IT'S THE SULEMAN-SATIONAL INVENTORY BLOWOUT!!

(Read this next part auctioneer-style, please. It's much more effective.)

The government is bailing out big industries! The church is busy helping people who didn't choose to be in a major crisis. What's an irresponsible baby machine to do? Well, her loss is your gain, because not only is the octuplet blowout extravaganza starting today, but the other six neglected kids want in! That's right! Call now and you can be the proud owner of an octuplet and his underprivileged older brother or sister TODAY!* HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! Inventory is limited!

*Disclaimer: Offer good who while supplies last, free older sibling limited to the first six callers.

Dancing with the Stars Reveals People-Studded Lineup

The new cast of Dancing with the Stars has been revealed and the only thing that would have been disappointing is recognizing anyone as a legitimate star. Phew! Let's spare google a couple hits and just tell you what each is world-renowned for. Drum roll, please:

Jewel: America's favorite wonkytooth folk/pop sensation of the mid 90's

L'il Kim: Showed up to MTV Music awards with a sticker on her booby ten years ago

Shawn Johnson: The other Olympian you may have heard of last summer, the one who isn't a raging marijuanaholic

Steve "The Woz" Wozniak: Founded Apple Computer (fills awkward fat guy quota)

Lawrence Taylor: NFL Hall of Famer (fills awkward fat athlete quota)

Steve-O: Jackass, period

Belina Carlisle: Former Go-Go (fills older lady / plastic surgery gone awry quota)

Nancy O'Dell: Entertainment reporter who just had a baby (fills entertainment reporter who needs to lose baby fat quota)

Denise Richards: Went through a traumatic public divorce with an actual celebrity

Chuck Wicks: Country singer you have never heard of

Ty Murray: Cowboy. Apparently "cowboy" is the new "famous actor"

David Allen Grier: Remember In Living Color from the 80's? Well, somebody at DWTS pulled some major strings, because they landed one of the members of the ensemble cast!

Gilles Marini: An extra in the Sex and the City movie and played a French waiter on The Bold and the Beautiful.

ABC announced the lineup last night in an attempt to derail the Grammy's, with performances by Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder, Justin Timberlake and Coldplay. Plbbbbt! Who wants to watch that garbage when ABC is mentioning Chuck Wicks and Ty Murray?!

I don't know about you, but I am pulling for Gilles. I hate to be so biased toward the biggest celeb on the list, but he may have gotten coffee for Sarah Jessica Parker. I'm just sayin'.

The Duhamel's Go Soft-Core

Fergie and Josh Duhamel just released more wedding photos and they're, well, racy if you're into gay porn.

The duo, who tied in the first annual StarDroppings.com "I Want to Look Like Samantha Ronson's Older Brother" contest, have been pimping wedding photos for about a month, further proving my theory that Fergie had access to plenty of makeup and lady-hormones, but not a hairbrush.

Charm School Makes Triumphant Return

Stay on that couch! Charm School 3 is coming. Seems VH1 can't keep a headmaster. Mo'Nique is out, Sharon Osbourne won't hear of it so VH1 had to do some serious digging to find a female name with nothing better to do. This season, it's Ricki Lake! After many seasons of dealing with America's charmers on her own talk show, Ms. Lake is well-equipped to skank-wrangle the girls from Rock of Love and Real Chance of Love.

I can hardly handle the celebrity of it all. It's almost as status-studded as Dancing with the Stars (returning March 9th to ABC with all your favorite people you think you may have heard of once).

Lisa Loeb Squeezes a Wedding Into Her Schedule

There won't be another season of Lisa Loeb's reality show #1 Single; she tied the knot with Roey Hershkovitz, music supervisor for Late Night with Conan O'Brien, on Saturday. From People Magazine:

Lisa Loeb's wedding was full of laughter and tears as the singer-songwriter exchanged vows with Roey Hershkovitz on Saturday in front of 275 guests at Manhattan restaurant Brasserie 8 ½. In an exclusive interview and photos, Loeb, 40, and Hershkovitz, 30, share the details of their wedding with PEOPLE. "We took turns laughing and crying," says the groom of the 30-minute Jewish ceremony. Adds Loeb: "I had to have my makeup redone!"

Take a good look at that wedding photo and tell me if you think her makeup really needed to be redone. Clearly, Loeb squeezed in the nuptuals between the gym and a trip to the laundromat.

Miley Cyrus is a Role Model

Don't touch that dial! More schizophrenia and statutory rape is on the way. Hannah Montana: now with more racism!

Stop pounding down my door, advertising agencies, this kind of genius is way out of your price range.

Miley Cyrus was photographed with some buddies perpetuating an age-old Asian stereotype. While she should have just taken the brown paper bag out of his hands, given him a nice tip, and let to poor guy get back to work, Miley chose to seize the opportunity to ruin relations with her Asian fanbase. Tweens.

This is the Sexiest Thing You Will See All Day

I don't know how Jessica Simpson's publicist did it, but he's found a way to make her look hotter and skinnier than ever: Jack Black in a bathing suit. Meow! And just in case the point wasn't driven home, a view from behind:

I, for one, do not think it's fair that Hollywood's leading men are not afforded the same courtesy as the ladies, so I contacted Kelly Clarkson's airbrush artist.

The Bong Hit Heard 'Round the World

Maybe his swim coach told him there was a dime bag taped to the wall on the opposite side of the pool. Michael Phelps has apologized for this photo taken of him smoking pot at a college party, which he attended with the young lady he is secretly seeing.

I thought pot made people lazy. And fat. I've got to email this to my eighth grade Health teacher right now. Weed is for winners.

Thanks, Michael Phelps!