Jason and Melissa got engaged in the finale of The Bachelor in the most romantic proposal ever. She sickeningly asked for a moment before she answered to scream with excitement, then get down on her knee and ask him in return. It was the best five minutes of a Bachelor-viewer's life.
Melissa was the sweet, self-admitted "always the dumpee" from Dallas. She was good with his son, great with his family, and even recommended by the vilified DeAnna. (**Side note: Jason made DeAnna "Blinky McBlink" Pappas look like Satan's sister when she allowed the poor, defenseless single dad to get down on one knee even though she had already chosen Jesse CinchSack.) The new family jumped in a pool together as she proclaimed, "I'm gonna be Melissa Mesnick!".
Molly, the adventurous, hairbrushless department store buyer was left alone in the limo to wipe away tears and tell America he'd made a big mistake. Her eyeliner was waterproof and she definitely didn't spring for the kind with a smudger on the end (a la Criss Angel). A nice girl, we were sad to see her go, but knew it would take her no more than seven weeks to get over it.
Good thing After the Final Rose was taped in six!
With no audience except the millions at home, Jason told Melissa he felt the chemistry had changed and he wanted to pursue Molly.
Melissa returned the ring, got in the limo and went home to figure out how to make castration look like an accident.
Molly then came out with a noticeably swollen lip and crooked face. Did she run into Melissa on her way in? She said feelings just don't go away.
Good for Jason, who told her things didn't work out with Melissa and, "Sooooo.... wanna go for drinks?"
Unfazed by being dumped on national TV, she agreed.
Lesson learned. America, not only can you have your cake; you can eat it, have sex with it, dump it, eat another piece of cake, have it too, dump that, then return to the first piece of cake which is now a mushy pile of crumbs and ask it out for a drink and it will move to Seattle to help you raise your son.
How sad. Cake has no self-esteem. Someone should tell cake that it's pretty and can do better.
The two hour finale was followed by a one hour After the Final Rose. Was three hours just about enough? There's more! Tonight is After the Final Rose: Part Two! All parties involved will react to seeing part one and update us on their lives since the January taping. I hope there's a metal detector.
Way to milk that Bachelor teet, ABC.
2 People Care:
You mean to tell me that using process of elimination (among a group of women you had control over choosing to begin with) isn't the most efficient way of selecting your soulmate and stepmother for your son? I don't believe it.
Why was he crying anyway? Did he cry when he broke up with fiancee #1? Or was crying over what a douchebag he is for going after the backup girl?
This proves my theory that the only way to truly find a soulmate on TV is with a cage match.
He cried over EVERYTHING! Making a decision, letting Molly go, getting engaged, letting Melissa go, talking with Chris. I didn't know if someone should have handed him a tissue or a tampon.
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