A New Miley Photo Leaked

Something tells me this photo isn't the only thing leaking in this post - BOOYA! While Miley is known for sending sexy picture-mail to her boyfriends, this is the first one we've seen that was sent to her 20-year-old adult man boyfriend, Justin Gaston. Instead if "leaked photo", let's just call this "exhibit A".

So, congrats to Miley on sprouting her Tennessee womanhood which does not mean her boyfriend is no longer considered a child molester, despite that clause in the articles of confederation.

Tabloids have not granted them a cute celebrity couple nickname yet, so I hereby dub them Miley and Pedophiley.

A Supermodel and a Guy Named Burney

His name is Burney Lamar, he is a racecar driver, and he's living proof that with persistence (and a lifetime supply of roofies and tasers), anyone can get a supermodel pregnant.

Looks like he gave her a full tune-up, inspected her undercarriage, checked her oil, rotated her tires, filled her tank, and put a baby in her.

Niki Taylor and Burney were married in 2006 but she's been in the baby-birthing business since 1995, when he was just 15. They're someone else's. It's the Nascar way.

Pumpkin Carvin' Until Someone Makes a Blog-Worthy Bad Decision

- John Edwards was spotted without his wedding ring.

- Courteney Cox will be starring in a new comedy called Cougar Town.

- Um, Bill Pullman's hippie son was busted with moonshine...

See? There's nothing going on worth writing about today, so go here and carve a pumpkin:

http://www.coasttocoastam.com/timages/page/pumpkin_sim.html

Zack and Miri Make a Porno - Pornstar ID

Make Your Own ID!

Friday Fish Fry

People Magazine recently did an interview with Mischa Barton, who is launching a line of high-end headbands. What makes a headband high-end? The quality of the plastic... or cloth? Maybe it's just the high-end "Mischa Barton" embroidered on the inside. Or perhaps they smell like Mischa Barton. Mmmmm. Seafood and garbage (has everyone forgotten Cisco Adler?).

She tells the magazine being single is "great". She probably also calls it "her only option". People says she's enjoying singlehood after a string of high-profile relationships. Presenting, the string:

The only thing high-profile about these men is their blood alcohol level. Mischa. It's what's for dinner*.

*Provided you haven't showered since August.

Presumed Statement From McCain HQ: "Crap."

Certain death (SUR-tin DETH) n. The inevitable end to one's candidacy when endorsed by Puff Daddy.

Salvation (sal-VAY-shun) n. Recovering from said death when a bigger pair of idiots endorses your opponent.

You Go, Guy!

Kelly Reilly is starring in Guy Ritchie's upcoming film, Sherlock Holmes, and is rumored to be his new companion. She's smiling, she's pretty, she's not a member of the AARP; looks like Guy found a great girl... as long as she doesn't mind the mummy stains on the sheets and fake accent that still hangs in he air of his London home.

Nick Hogan Released From Jail, Enthusiastically Greeted by Joe the Plumber

Nick (Bollea) Hogan served 166 days in jail after paralyzing his best friend while street racing. He's out now (awkward silence followed by crickets). I thought you might be sick of reading about Madonna.

This One Is, Errrr, Nothing Like Survivor

Jeff Probst is developing a new reality show for CBS called Live Like You're Dying that he will also host. The premise? A terminally ill person names the adventure of a lifetime and Jeff makes it happen.

At least the contestants won't be living through the shame of spending the next 2o years on reality star challenges*.

*RealWorld/Road Rules Challenge, The Island, The Gauntlet, Flavor of Love Charm School, I Love Money, Rock of Love Charm School, Kill Reality, The Surreal Life, Celebrity Mole, Celebrity Fit Club, Celebrity Rehab

Celebrity Rehab Two? More Like: Celebrity Rehab... Who?

Answer: Heather Locklear, Lindsay Lohan, any of the Osbournes, Tara Reid

Question: QUICK! Name some moderately interesting celebrities with drug or alcohol problems.

This time around, Dr. Drew is arguably the most famous person on Celebrity Rehab. The list of lucky addicts:

Nikki McKibbon: American Idol, Season One, Third Place

Jeff Conaway: The guy from Taxi who failed Celebrity Rehab 1

Amber Smith: Model/actress from the 80's

Steven Adler: Former Guns n Roses drummer

Sean Stewart: Who would be a celebrity if he was his father, Rod Stewart

Rodney King: Beaten by police, which started the LA riots in 1992

As if this motley crew, whose 15 minutes have been up for more than a decade, didn't have it bad enough, they have also been assigned a celebrity mentor to guide them through the darkness, into the light: Gary Busey.

See you all in season 3!

Random Thursday

I was sipping some coffee this morning, looking for some Hollywood news of interest, like I do every morning. Today is a slow day. Some samplings:

• David Duchovny and Tea Leoni announced they split several months ago. Why they needed to include "several months ago" is just teasing as far as I'm concerned, but Tea's concerns will become clear if you study the last picture.



• Britney Spears almost has things back together. New album, hot body, partial custody... is part of her father's conservatorship keeping razors from the superstar? I think this is proof positive.

• Miley Cyrus wrote a book because she's smart.

• I didn't want to touch the Madonna story because we've known she's been Rodding another man's A for months now. I have seen it all over the internet and TV news, though, so I present to you Did Anyone Think Madonna Was a One-Man Woman? along with my photo montage extravaganza*:

*This montage only includes lovers confirmed by wikipedia, according to whodatedwho.com, it would only be accurate if I added: Norris Burroughs, Stiv Bators, David Lee Roth, Louie Cordero, Keith Carradine, John Kennedy Jr, Esai Morales, Sandra Bernhard, Prince, Chip Z' Nuff, Paul Lekakis, Matt Dillon, Alek Keshishian, Antonio Banderas, Lenny Kravitz, Michael Jackson, Jose Canseco, Rebecca Loos, Willem Dafoe, Ingrid Casares, James Albright, Big Daddy Kane, John Enos III, Anthony Keidis, David Duchovny, Isabela Rossellini, Jenny Shimizu, Bison Dele, Tupac Shakur, Charles Barkley, Mark McGrath, Billy Zane, Chris Paciello, David Blaine, Jamie Monroy and Alex Rodriguez.

KEY: Noteable Actors, Athletes, Pretty Ladies, Street Magicians, Busted Ladies with Loud Mouths and Bad Teeth, Child Molesters, Well-Known Musicians, Fellow Sex Addicts, Super Duper Famous, Other

Speaking of STDs, a huge congratulations goes out to Guy Ritchie who has inevitably saved Guy Jr. from falling off. It will take years for it to return to its' original color, shape and lustre, but the healing has already begun and the warts too shall pass.

Another Disgruntled Costume Designer

And you thought Madonna's crew was bitter. Breathe a thigh of relief: she doesn't have a full-length mirror.

Another Reason to Love Her

Because if you switched the beginning letters of her first and last name, it would sound like parasailin'.

That just occurred to me when I was reading another one of Madonna's mindless rants that make me want to throw away The Immaculate Collection. But I won't. I love that CD in spite of myself.

It's Double Trouble Straight from the Doublewide!

Breaking News: Hef has twins! No, not like that! He is far too old to have fathered these two teenaged troublemakers! Wing House waitresses, Karissa and Kristina Shannon, have landed the Playboy Mansion's most eligible bachelor, Hugh Hefner. Here is a recent photo of the girls, partying after the night shift (or a Wing House ad, targeting its' underage customers):

Fresh off probation for battery, a bloody attack on a fellow wing-ho, in which the victim alleged the twosome bragged about tasting her blood, the Sinderellas were in the front row for a show at LA's fashion week.



Judging by their outfits and hair, it's safe to assume they arrived in Marty McFly's DeLorean.

It's also safe to assume that Hef is overjoyed about his new squeezes' taste for bodily fluids. His special blue pills are known to cause loss of bowel and bladder control. Alright Hef!

Of Love is Infectious

Just when I started to miss my own skin crawling, VH1 announces that Daisy of Love is the newest addition to its Spring '09 lineup.

Wanna-be contestants can enter themselves online at http://www.daisyoflovecasting.com/. Right now, things over there are looking pretty slow and this site could use a little action.

While chances to spend the night with Daisy De La Hoya do not appear to be "rare" or "exclusive" or "safe", sign up because it matters. Do it for the fame. Do it for the children. Do it in the name of scientific STD research.

So far, the only thing science can conclude about Daisy is that your pee-pee would be safer if you made love to a set of steak knives, but really, those scientists are just jealous. You're going to be on a VH1 reality show! Get yourself in the ranks with Midget Mac, Hoopz, Rodeo, Peyton and Pumkin! I can almost smell the antibiotics!

Diddy Bugs Out About "That One"

When is someone going to tell Diddy to stop talking? Barack Obama's campaign management politely declined Lindsay Lohan's offer to campaign for the Democratic nominee, why don't they kidnap Puff Shiddy and hide him in on a desert island until the first week of November?!

Again, Sean Combs has taken to his video blog to start a commentary about John McCain that he can't finish. To save you two minutes, every sentence goes something like this, "John McCain said 'that one', I don't, I don't even know!"

Throughout the video, he infers that John McCain's reference to "that one" is racial. I would like to clarify on behalf of anyone with half a brain: "that one" meant "that candidate", not "that man of a different ethnicity".

This video is worth a watch just to hear the conclusion, when Diddy warns McCain that he will be punished for his remark at the polls, and then says, "You know what? I'm going to the polls right now!". I hope he packed a snack because it's only October 10th.

Madonna Hires Hannah Montana's Costume Designer

In her Sticky and Sweet world tour, Madge is rocking thigh-highs, short shorts and heart-shaped sunglasses; a great look for a fifty year old, don't you think? Who peed in her wardrobe department's Cheerios?

Is the bandage sticking out from under the sock part of this ridiculous costume? No? Oh, I see. Knee replacement surgery.

Three Easy Payments, or Maybe None

For years, I have been trying to mastermind a plan that involved: a.) flinging feces at certain celebrities and b.) not getting arrested. Leave it to a bird to figure this out: make it posh.

Victoria Beckham, who has long battled acne, was recently in Japan when she inquired about the perfect skin of the local women. She was told that nightingale poo was the secret. Now she and David are fans of the feces facials. Fabulous.

Press Release to Celebrity Agents

My poo cures herpes. Apply liberally all over the face and let set for two to three days. Available in 6-8oz. baggies (weight depending on fiber content of my diet on date of order) for three easy payments of $19.99. Unless you're Paris Hilton, then it's free.

Back on the Prowl

What does a sex addict do when they're released from sex-addiction-rehab? I don't know but please, for your own safety, lock up your daughters, pets, and vegetables that are soft in the middle. David Duchovny is free!

Consider this your official warning. If you see Mr. Duchovny in public and he offers to check your oil, fill your tank, or inspect your undercarriage, back away very slowly. Do not make eye contact. It's important that you do not discuss anything sexy, so please do not show him this:

Justin Timberlake Maybe Proposed to Jessica Biel in Rome, Maybe Not

Hello Magazine is reporting that Justin Timberlake proposed to Jessica Biel in Rome this weekend.

You heard it here second!

This may have something to do with the recent wedding of Jessica's younger, slightly more awkward 7th Heaven co-star, Beverly Mitchell, which makes you wonder, "Who would name a kid Beverly?".

A Couple Things About Children's TV

David Archuleta will be filming scenes for an upcoming episode of Nickelodeon's iCarly today. I smell acting chops! Let's hope he plays a geeky, insecure late-bloomer. That would really be a test of his skillz.

Speaking of children whose parents live vicariously through them, Miley Cyrus did a show in Connecticut the other night, sporting some sophisticated artwork on her wrist: her technically-a-pedophile boyfriend's initials + her initials = heart. Awww. Maybe that will melt the judge's cold heart and he'll shave a couple years off Justin Gaston's sentence.

In case you're wondering what all the hubbub about this Miley Cyrus whippersnapper is, here's a clip of her performing Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Keep wondering.

Kelly Osbourne is Getting a Piece (of Mind)

Kelly Osbourne was asked to be an ambassador for World Contraception Day. If you read herinterview with Now! Magazine, you know she gets tested for STD's three to four times a year. Then you thought, "Who the...!?".



His name is Luke, he's a model, and I'm pretty sure he's the only fourth grader in his class who's getting any.