Wow. Thankfully, I have had insomnia lately, so I had a reason to watch the second run of the VMAs on MTV from 11:15-1:15 last night. I'm a huge Big Brother Fan, so I didn't get to see the original airing.
Go Britney! Don't you think if you were preparing for the comeback of your career, you would have... ohhh, I don't know..... rehearsed?! The lip-syncing was off, the dancing was bad, she wore a sparkley black bikini with support hose (a la Kirstie Alley in her big Oprah weight loss reveal) and giggled when she made mistakes. Way to go. It was more than I expected. I kind of thought she would stumble onstage in blue leggings and an oversized Winnie the Pooh t-shirt, one child dangling from each breast, both covered in cigarrette burns, slurring the words to Baby, One More Time. So, good for her. Rumor has it she cried when she got backstage and immediately began making excuses about last-minute act changes, a broken boot and a fired hairdresser. If you have high-def TV or a good source like me, it is also apparent that her bikini waxer was also given a pink slip. You can't help but feel for her. Ifyou're keeping score like me, you're aware Shar Jackson is kicking ghetto-booty on Celebrity Rap Superstar. Either way, they both have K-Fed as a babydaddy, so can we ever call one a winner... really?
Evil Dick from Big Brother looks like a poor man's version of Tommy Lee, and Tommy Lee is a poor man's Tommy Lee, which makes Dick a tragic character. He's like one of those puppies that's so ugly, it's cute. Dick's one ugly puppy.
Go Britney! Don't you think if you were preparing for the comeback of your career, you would have... ohhh, I don't know..... rehearsed?! The lip-syncing was off, the dancing was bad, she wore a sparkley black bikini with support hose (a la Kirstie Alley in her big Oprah weight loss reveal) and giggled when she made mistakes. Way to go. It was more than I expected. I kind of thought she would stumble onstage in blue leggings and an oversized Winnie the Pooh t-shirt, one child dangling from each breast, both covered in cigarrette burns, slurring the words to Baby, One More Time. So, good for her. Rumor has it she cried when she got backstage and immediately began making excuses about last-minute act changes, a broken boot and a fired hairdresser. If you have high-def TV or a good source like me, it is also apparent that her bikini waxer was also given a pink slip. You can't help but feel for her. Ifyou're keeping score like me, you're aware Shar Jackson is kicking ghetto-booty on Celebrity Rap Superstar. Either way, they both have K-Fed as a babydaddy, so can we ever call one a winner... really?
Kid Rock punched Tommy Lee right at his table. The video is available at mtv.com, but it's more of the aftermath and not so much the punch. More on Tommy Lee later (and I'm not talking about Pamela's hep-C stains in his lap).
Kanye West and Fifty Cent appeared onstage together. If you're hip and "street" like me, you know that these two don't like each other, so this was unprecedented.
When Justin Timberlake accepted the award for Male Performer of the Year, he said "MTV needs to play more videos. We don't want to see reality TV." His award was presented to him by Lauren, Audrina, and Whitney from MTV's reality series, The Hills. How rude! Ha ha! I said "how rude". Who am I, Stephanie from Full House?? (takes big meth hit)
I found a picture of Travis and Shanna Barker making out at Tao snapped this weekend, so take this as official word that they're back together after their break-up that followed the reconciliation from their sloppy divorce. Got it?
Like I said, the reason I missed the original airing of the VMAs is because I love me some Big Brother. Last night, Zack made a move so ballsy and brave, he is finally a contender for the half million dollars. If you watch it and haven't seen it yet, read no further. If you don't watch it, read on. HE PUT EVIL DICK AND DANIELLE UP AGAINST EACH OTHER FOR EVICTION! Now, if one of them wins POV, the other will get to vote and keep their counterpart in the game and nothing was gained, but if Jameka or Zack wins POV, one of them is OUT. It's about time these people woke up to the reality of reality tv. Trust nobody. God, I love this game, and have a newfound respect for Zack the goofball.
Evil Dick from Big Brother looks like a poor man's version of Tommy Lee, and Tommy Lee is a poor man's Tommy Lee, which makes Dick a tragic character. He's like one of those puppies that's so ugly, it's cute. Dick's one ugly puppy.
And now for Rock of Love... Brandi M. is gone and Bret told her he was "pissed off" that she didn't let him know she wasn't genuinely interested in him sooner. I could save Bret Michaels a lot of anger by telling him right now that none of these women were interested in him to begin with, but that doesn't make for very good television. Side note: there are two sets of pornographic photos of Brandi M. available online. I don't know where, and I hear they're raunchy and she looks ugly, so let me know as soon as you find them.
The fastest recap I can give is: poison concert, alcohol, fight, binging stripper, vomit, Bret and Jess do the deed, Bret and Lacey do the deed, Brandi M. goes home. In that order. If it were up to me, the vomit would have followed the romp with Lacey. She still scares the crap out of me.
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I'm actually disappointed in Britney (at least the way you tell it; I didn't see the VMAs) because I was all set for her comeback. Maybe it's too soon for a comeback. I mean, you have to actually leave in order to come back, right?
I'd just like to take this moment to declare that I totally called the decline of Britney's career years ago. I believe I said, "She's going to get pregnant and/or get fat, and she'll have no career." Enough said.
I think that was very insightful. Back when she and (mean) Justin Timberlake were dating, I thought she would be prime woman-meat for years to come. Then she got all desperate. I heard that she's blaming Sarah Silverman's cracks about her kids for her poor performance now. When will the madness end?
Oh I so missed what Sara Silverman said. I need to know!
Hi Heather! Welcome to my bloggity-bloo! I just ripped this off USmagazine.com:
Immediately following Spears’ glittery opening performance, Silverman poked fun at the singer’s early rise to fame. “Was that incredible?" she asked the crowd. "She is amazing. I mean, she is 25 years old and she’s already accomplished everything she’s going to accomplish in her life.”
She continued: “It’s weird to think that just a few years ago on this very show, she was this, like, sweet innocent little girl in slutty clothes writhing around with a python. That’s not nice…calling Madonna a python.”
Even Spears’ sons, Jayden and Sean, who turn 1 and 2 next week, respectively, were fare game.
“Have you seen Britney’s kids? Oh my god, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see!” Silverman trilled. “They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of.”
Wow.
I think that creepy Lacey needs to go. I also can't believe Jes gave Bret some punani. I hope she made him double-bag it. That dude is like a fucking petri dish!
PS Love the image of Brit in the oversize Winnie the Pooh shirt. That is so Lousiana frumpy white trash housewife. Ha.
TF - I check my statcounter constantly, and someone found my blog googling "bret michaels gave my friend herpes". Awesome. Glad I could help!
A cluster f*ck of an awards show, Kanye whining about not winning and then saying Britney got exploited by MTV. All I can say is I can't wait for next year. I think they should make an award for quickest career downfall.
Well, leave it to Sara to tell it like it is lol
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