MTV and Things

I am sitting in front of the TV (and the computer) right now feeling old. I am watching Laguna. This normally makes me feel good, but tonight it's making me feel ridiculous. Maybe it's because I am watching a show featuring high school seniors. Maybe it's because I am blogging. There is something about being among the oldest members of a generation that blogs, texts, and IMs that just makes one feel dirty sometimes.

That's my beef this evening. I normally don't have beef at all. I am a vegetarian, for God's sake. Every now and then a preteen may google something that winds up at my blog. I feel this child's pain when I think of the first time I heard my uncle say "phat"*.

I don't feel epiphanies when I see the Truth tobacco commercials; I think, "Valid point." When I watch Next, I think, "Why are these people subjecting themselves to this? The person waiting for them off the bus is less than half as attractive and twice as slutty". Sometimes I think the kids on Made should want to be Made into millionaires or Nobel Prize winners or something more meaningful than Punk Princess or Ping Pong Champion. I think Cheyenne's parents need to worry more about her education than her music career. I think the people that are doing the Real World/Road Rules competitions more than five years after their season aired are pathetic and need day jobs.

So this episode of Laguna is over. Kyndra was a bitch tonight and Cameron totally ditched her party to hang out with last-season-Jessica. She totally deserved it, though, because she crashed Rocky's party and was mean to her guests. Just because I judge, does not mean I don't love.

Screech

The Buzz on Yahoo says Dustin Diamond was searched 2400% more today than yesterday. Naturally, I googled him to see what was happening. I care about late eighties and early nineties teen comedy/learning show stars, I do. The only news I could find was from June. Apparently, his house was being foreclosed upon, so he was selling autographed Screech t-shirts on line to raise enough money to keep it (seriously, getDshirts.com).

I don't think this would be the reason for his surge in searchability. Does anyone know what happened to Screech? Has anyone talked to Lisa Turtle or Slater? I might lose some sleep over this, please help. Or just humor me and make something up.

I'm Sure Glad I'm Not A Nielsen Viewer

I'm watching the Paris Hilton special on MTV as I type. I almost dismissed it, but I'm glad I didn't flip. She's funny. She's friendly. She's not dumb. I'm serious. Know what else? I like her single. It's catchy. I don't care what you say. Jerk.

Some Things I Should be Excited About

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. There are some things that happen that exist solely to excite me. Here are are a few of the things coming up that I am not that excited about. Not because they're any less awesome, but because I am very distracted by my new job and upcoming nuptuals (two months from today!). So please, do me a favor and get a little psyched about these items because I cannot do them justice right now:

1. Bring It On: All or Nothing. This is being released straight to video. Considered a curse by the industry, it is a blessing to me. Why? Because there is nothing sadder than watching me do the routines to Bring It On in my living room. What could be worse than me learning the routines to All or Nothing and doing them in the theater the fifteenth time I see it? Everything. That would be awesome.

2. Good Morning America 8/14. The celebs for the next Dancing With the Stars are going to be announced. I love the name Dancing With the Stars. I have a better chance of recognizing someone in the audience.

3. Step Up hits theaters on Friday. I loved this movie when it was called Save the Last Dance. I also loved the version called Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. A bad boy entering a dance contest with a ballerina. Does this really happen that often?

4. One Ocean View. A new ABC show that puts about thirty horny single people in a house. There's a couple that used to date and they watch each other hook up with other people. I think there are three times more women than men. The first week, the women were average at best. The second week, they added a Playboy model and a super-slutty girl. The men in the house don't even talk to the mediocre girls anymore. It's just wrong. People should not be treated this way. And if it must happen, film it. It rules.